Numb
by h0lywood
Summary: A sad song fic about Joyce controlling Buffy's life. Rated T for character death.


_Numb_

Buffy Summers was not the same as other girls. As much as she wanted to be, she had her destiny to think about. For she was the Vampire Slayer, chosen to protect everyone from vampires, demons, and the forces of darkness. And her mother just failed to see that. She wanted Buffy to be exactly like her.

Joyce failed to see that just because she had a rocky relationship didn't mean Buffy shouldn't date, and just because Joyce wanted to protect her daughter didn't mean that she should ignore the fact that hundreds would die if Buffy couldn't fight. And Buffy had the sneaking suspicion that Joyce was disappointed in her.

_I'm tired of being what you want me to be,_

_Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface_

_Don't know what you're expecting of me._

_Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes_

And whenever she tried to reason with her mother, Joyce always jumped to the worst possible conclusion. Somehow, everything was Buffy's fault. And if she couldn't just be herself, she most certainly didn't want to be like her mother.

_(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow.)_

Joyce Summers did not want her daughter to be the Slayer. She just couldn't comprehend it. Everything used to be so simple. Her sweet little daughter went to school, and did very well at it, then went off with her little friends to cheerleading practice, then ate dinner and did her homework, and painted her nails and went to the mall. Now she went to school, did awful in it when she wasn't ditching, ate a small dinner or nothing at all, then hung out in a dark graveyard to chop evil things' heads off. This whole Slayer thing was a big mistake. And Buffy knew she thought this.

_Every step that I take is another mistake to you._

And Buffy didn't want to be a mistake. It wasn't her fault she was the vampire slayer. It was fate. She couldn't help that.

_(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow.)_

Upon realizing this Buffy got up from her bed, and dropped her bag out her window then climbed down herself. If she stayed, it would only be more trouble for the both of them. Her mother wanted a girl who was only interested in nail polish and hair products, and grades and homework. Well, Buffy had to save the world. And if Joyce couldn't accept this, and who she was altogether, Buffy was gonna go find someone who did care.

_I've become so numb, I can't feel you there_

_Become so tired, so much more aware_

_I'm becoming this, all I want to do, _

_Is be more like me and be less like you_

Buffy blinked back tears as she thought of their latest fight: _Buffy watched her mom walk into the kitchen. "I am sure that they will understand–_

_"Get them involved, you'll get them killed!"_

"_Well you're not gonna hurt them, are you?" Joyce reached for the phone in the kitchen and began dialing._

"_I'm a Slayer, not a postal worker!" Buffy argued, slamming her hand on the phone. "Cops can't fight demons, I have to do it."_

"_Do WHAT? Buffy, what is happening?"_

That was when Buffy had made a mistake. Instead of again trying to explain vampires and slayers to her mother, she had simply sighed and said, "Just have another drink"

_Joyce suddenly grew angry. Her daughter would NOT speak to her like that! She threw her drink across the kitchen and yelled, "Don't you talk to me that way! You don't_ _get to just dump something like this on me and pretend it's nothing!" _

_Buffy had, as calmly as possible, said, "I'm sorry, mom, I don't have time for this."_

"_No, I am tired of 'I don't have time' or 'you wouldn't understand' I am your mother and you will make time to explain yourself!"_

_Buffy looked at her mother angrily. "I told you. I'm a vampire slayer."_

_Finally, Joyce lost her head. "WELL I JUST DON'T EXCEPT THAT!"_

_Buffy cracked too. "Open your eyes, mom. What do you think has been going on for the past two years? The fights, the weird occurrences? How many time have you washed blood out of my clothes and you still haven't figured it out?!"_

"_Well, it stops now!!" _

"_No. It doesn't stop. It NEVER stops. Do you think I chose to be like this? Do you have any idea how lonely it is? How dangerous?! I would love to be sitting upstairs, watching TV, or gossiping about boys, or God, even studying! But I have to save the world. AGAIN."_

_Joyce looked shocked. Had Buffy really gone crazy? "No, Buffy, this is insane, you need help."_

"_I'm not crazy! What I need is for you to chill. I have to go."_

"_No! I am not letting you out of this house."_

"_You can't stop me." Buffy said defiantly._

_Joyce looked furious. "Oh yes I– _

_Buffy threw her mother of her and walked to the door, she looked back._

_Joyce stared at her. "You walk out of this house, don't even think about coming back."_

And Buffy leftBut she had come back. Her and her mother had not spoken since that day. Ever since Buffy had destroyed Angelus. And now she was leaving.

_Can't you see that you're smothering me,_

_Holding to tightly, afraid to lose control,_

'_Cause everything that you thought I would be,_

_Has fallen apart, right in front of you_

_(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow,)_

_Every step that I take is another mistake to you,_

_(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow,)_

_And every second I waste is more than I can take._

Buffy walked down the empty, dark streets, wondering where she should go. Willow's? To simple. Xander's? That would be awkward. Angel. Buffy wanted to be with Angel. But she had killed him. And what about Giles? Giles would never forgive her if she just up and left. So she kept walking, and ended up in the graveyard. Buffy have wished some vampire would come and turn her. At least everything would be easier, simpler. But that be betraying everyone. And it wasn't EVERYONE's fault. In the end, she just decided to go to Willow's and explain everything. She would help her decide what to do. So she continued down the silent street.

_I've become so numb, I can't feel you there_

_Become so tired, so much more aware,_

_I'm becoming this, all I want to do,_

_Is be more like me, and less like you_

Joyce had failed in life. She knew that. And the reason why was because... why was it she had failed? Joyce thought back to her teenage years. Her mother always picked out her clothes, so it couldn't have been that. Her mother had signed her up for cheerleading, so it wasn't that either. And that's when it hit her. The reason she was so insecure, the reason why she needed all those tapes to help her decide, it was because her mother had been living again through her. She had wanted Joyce to be exactly like her. And, with horror, she realized that was what she was doing to Buffy. Buffy couldn't help being the Slayer, it wasn't her fault. Yet Joyce had blamed her for it. Buffy should have the freedom to choose who she was, and if she needed, and wanted to slay vampires instead of cheerlead, that was her decision. Buffy may fail in life, but it didn't have to be because of her mother.

_And I know_

_I may end up failing, too._

_But I know,_

_You were just like me with someone disappointed in you_

Joyce walked up to Buffy's room. She knocked on the door. "Buffy!" She opened the door. "Buffy?" She saw the empty room. "BUFFY!!!!" She gasped. The window was open. "Buffy!" Joyce was angry. Here she was, all ready to apologize, and Buffy had went over the wall. Or, actually, through the wall. I guess.

_I've become so numb, I can't feel you there,_

_Become so tired, so much more aware,_

_I'm becoming this, all I want to do,_

_Is be more like me, and be less like you._

Buffy still didn't know what to do when she spotted three or four vampires in a dark alley. "Oh look." Buffy thought out loud. "A party." She went straight over to them and killed three quickly. But where had the other one gone? Buffy had really thought there had been four. She just kept walking down the road when she saw a little girl on the sidewalk, crying. "What's wrong?" she asked her.

"I– I got a boo-boo!" the girl sobbed.

But, just as Buffy bent down, and looked at the girls knee, there was no boo-boo at all. "I don't see it. Where does it hurt." And as she was looking, the cute little girl turned fang faced. And as soon as Buffy looked up at her, the only thing that she did was scream. Scream as the little girl looked right at her, scream as fangs pierced her skin. But eventually she went silent. She went silent for the last time.

When Buffy's mother, Joyce Summers, came to apologize to the young woman whom lay dead on the ground, she knew it was her fault.

_I've become so numb, I can't feel you there,_

_I'm tired of being what you want me to be,_

_I've become so numb, I can't feel you there,_

_I'm tired of being what you want me to be. :(_

**_The End_**


End file.
